My guest today is the awesome Cindy MacMillan from Inner Revolution. Enjoy her words of wisdom.
Next week, my husband and I will be married 28 years.Sometimes I am amazed at how fast the years have flown by. Some days I don’t even feel 28 years old, much less married 28 years.
We met in New Orleans in 1984. I was going to school for Hotel Management and working part-time as a bartender at a hotel in the French Quarter. I clearly remember him walking into the hotel with a group of people and thinking, “wow, he’s really cute”. As his group was checking in he walked over to the bar and asked for change to break a $100.00 bill so he could pay the cab. He had a brown curly afro, brown eyes, and an incredible foreign accent (yikes, my weakness!). So I did what any twitterpated woman would do - I acted like I was busy and said, “no, go to the front desk”. The front desk, by the way, had about 20 people already standing in line. He told me later that, right then and there, he knew I was the one. Go figure.
After his group had checked into the hotel, they came down to the bar for a drink. The same guy, Tom, asked me out to dinner and I explained that I didn’t date the patrons. He said, “if we all go to dinner then you and I are not on a date, right?” That made sense, so I made plans to meet the entire group after I got off work. Friends being friends, none of them showed up and there I was, alone with Tom.
We had an incredible dinner. We laughed and talked until the restaurant closed and had to ask us to leave. I was still wearing high heels and my feet were hurting, so I took off my shoes to walk barefoot and he carried my shoes as we strolled down Bourbon Street. A street vendor was selling roses and he stopped to buy me a beautiful red rose. I am not making this up: he asked me to marry him. I started giggling, which of course hurt his feelings. He was serious!
Several weeks later I went to South Africa and a few weeks after that we got married.
What is the secret of a long and happy marriage? When I was younger, I use to love hearing the stories of what kept people together. Now I have people asking me that same question and I take it very seriously.
Here are my top 4 tips:
- Treat each other with respect and kindness.
- Be present to what is happening in the marriage and to the marriage. This is a daily, a weekly, a monthly practice. You can’t let years go by and say what happened? Where did we get off track?
- Communicate. Talk about the hard stuff. You know sex, money, and religion.
- It’s not all-or-nothing thinking; there are good times and there are bad times. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking the bad times will be around forever. I heard someone once say, “love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener”.
If Cupid had a Twitter account, what do you think he would say was the secret to a long and happy marriage? Please leave your comments.
My name is Cindy MacMillan and I’m an integrative coach and teacher of The Art of Feminine Presence™. I’m passionate about helping women who are committed to their personal growth get real about fierce self-love, unshakable self-worth, and finding their own light. I am building a community of women who are bringing more feminine energy and joy into their lives, and living a life they love!
My website is www.InnerRevolution.net